Emotional Intelligence and Psychology
Ragini’s 5 Steps for Anger Management
Here are 5 Steps for Anger Management:
1) Be aware that you are angry. Tune into your body and identify and name your feelings, that may include irritation, annoyance, blame. Describe the sensations you feel in your body- tightness in chest, not breathing, or breathing fast or high up in your chest, clench fingers/fists/jaw, rapid heart rate. These are likely your “signals” or yellow light that is telling you to beware… anger is arising.
2) Ask yourself a few questions:
- What expectations do I have that didn’t get filled? What do I feel got violated my sense of self, my values (respect, fairness, justice, recognition, equality)?
- Who did not meet your expectations (“others”)? Often people get made at others, life (God), or themselves.
3) Reality check– Ask if the purpose of the “others” life to meet your expectation? If you answer yes, then you may need to get some help to clarify your potential confusion. If no, you are on the right track.
4) Adjusting your inner reality
- What may be some helpful self- talk to take you in a different direction? Here’s what Ragini says to herself. “I’m walking my life path. They are walking their life path. Life isn’t always going to give you what you want. I can let go of my anger and accept “what is”.
- Forgive the yourself and others. Perhaps you can do a forgiveness meditation or say out loud, “I forgive you for being who you are and not meeting my expectation. I forgive myself for expecting you to be different than you are”.
- Move to compassion and sympathetic consciousness: Get your zen hat on and say to youself, “We are all human. We can only be who we are”
5) Open to other ways for your expectations to be filled. Open to divine guidance to move in the way that is right for you and remember that you are not alone. Look for practical solutions and try to focus on what may fix the problem. Perhaps, it’s a conversation with the “other” (see Fierce Conversations). Maybe, it’s getting training or re-examining your expectation, or getting help to heal your hurt, sense of betrayal, or whatever value that we violated.