Love & Connection
What is Love?
Open the doors to self-understanding and to learn “what is love?”. Best-selling author, Guy Finley shares insights on how to develop, keep, and know when you have found true love.
What is the immortal Self?
Guy Finley, author of “The Secret of the Immortal Soul” explains the idea of an immortal self and how fearful moments and challenging situations are really opportunities to discover parts of ourselves that we’ve forgotten. Check our discussion here (http://youtu.be/C01Uz3M4bw4?t=35s)
What is Love? how do relationships help us discover divine love and our immortal selves?
Guy says that, “Love is not a thought and has nothing to do with thinking”. He describes love as a dynamic relationship within one’s own consciousness where one gradually becomes aware of his or her own qualities (good and bad) through a relationship with another person. In other words, we discover who we are and become aware of inherent qualities through relationships. Guy defines love as “the source of all things. Nothing is created or ever will be that doesn’t begin with love. Love is the end and the beginning. I am the alpha and the omega. Life is not a race to win, but a school for our higher education, the school of Love”.
Guy further explains, “Love is immortal in us. Wisdom is immortal. We don’t create these things; instead we enter into a relationship with these timeless characters waiting for us to take our place in them”. Listen more here (http://youtu.be/C01Uz3M4bw4?t=2m45s)
What does it mean when you say “I love you”?
The mind wants desperately to know about love, but love is an experience that is felt. The concept of love is difficult because we want others to give us what we want and to feel what we want, and when someone meets this condition, it is then that we say we love them. Guy explains that real love doesn’t start with a person or condition, but it’s being completely open to life and everything that is sent your way. He declares in the video titled“Love has NO shut doors!” a biblical quote:
“ There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love”.
Guy interprets this quote as God is whole and whatever comes my way (even unwanted) will allow me to become a more loving instrument, a more perfect instrument. While we strive for this perfect, idealized version of love, Guy asks us to remember that love does not punish us when we don’t hit the mark; it reveals itself to us, which is the act of self-love.
Why do we feel complete when in love? Why do we grasp onto love?
When we fall in love, we feel a sense of completion. Guy explains here what is happening and why the romantic love we feel is really a divine love.
“ When we are in a relationship we think completes us, we think “I didn’t know I could love like that, I didn’t know that I could make a sacrifice like that. I didn’t know it was in me. And you (my partner) have introduced me through this relationship to qualities in myself that I would have never dreamed existed. See, that’s perfect. But the quality that you introduced me to in myself isn’t there because you are there. You introduced it to me in myself, but begin to think that the only way I can know this (love) is if you are around. No, I’m afraid. I have to control you, because if you go away, this beautiful part of myself is going to go away. And the more we try to control, the way we push away the very thing we (want)”- Guy Finley
How can we get our partners and loved ones to be the way we want?
Guy clarifies the nature of our fear when we are in a relationship and why we want to control the other person so that we can feel safe. He explains that the root of this suffering is our ego’s attempt to identify with that other person here (http://youtu.be/C01Uz3M4bw4?t=16m11s).
In Guy Finley’s newest book “The Secret of the Immortal Soul” he writes of a life lesson:
“In this life there is no greater prize than one’s ability to be in full possession of oneself, regardless of circumstance; neither is there any task with so great a personal price. ” p34
Guy states that our desire to control someone else is really about a need that we have within ourselves. A key take-away from his book explains that:
“When you want authority over yourself more than you want the conflict that comes with trying to control others’ behavior, then you will know the command for which you long.
When you want to be patient with others more than you want to feel frustrated over their inability to please you, then you will know the forbearance for which you long.
What do you do when your loved one is challenging to be around?
When you are feeling anger or disappointment in another, Guy suggests that the most important thing to do is to be present. While it’s natural for us to want to fight and resist these reactions, they will only feed the negativity. It’s better to be present to what that negative behavior illicit in you so that your consciousness changes, and this In turn will positively affect the other person.
What do we do when we are angry?
Rage is a result of thwarted identification and desire to possess something. By being possessed with something, you become possessed. The pain happens because we become identified with the pain. Pain = Me.
Why is there so much heart break when I break up with someone? Or when we lose someone we love?
“It is wise to seek immortality because time defeats all other ambition”- Vernon Howard
While we sometimes mourn the loss of a relationship, the love we have with that person is ever lasting and it resides in us.
Guy and CJ discuss the heartbreak felt from losing a loved one, breaking up with someone, or even simply losing an object we love.
Guy explains that when we lose something we love, that love itself does not come to an end. The heartache we feel is a result of investing a part of our identity into something or someone else. He says, “Your loved one can be seen as a representation of love or an order of love through which you can recognize that love is eternal. Your partner helps you realize the love that is living inside of you. Relationships help us learn how to relate to the love residing within us”.
Although we may have a sense of sadness with the love that is passing, something new will come into existence.
What should I do with the pain after a break up? I don’t want to feel this pain anymore.
An unwanted moment is about being attached to something. Guy explains that Impermanence is part of life so what we tend to hang onto is a certain part of ourselves. It is only when we can let go of what no longer works for us that we can then begin to experience a rebirth. Listen here. (http://youtu.be/C01Uz3M4bw4?t=16m11s).
In Guy Finley’s newest book “The Secret of the Immortal Soul” he writes of a life lesson:
“Anger or resentment toward someone who has left us does not prove we love and they don’t. It proves we don’t understand the true nature of love, or we wouldn’t be ripping ourselves apart because someone tore from us something to which we had become attached. This momentary hole in our soul-created by such losses-must be left empty and not filled with negative state, otherwise we will never see the birth of a new and higher order of love within us because we’ve no room left for it to appear”.
How can you see life through the lens of love versus fear?
Many of us fear death but subject ourselves to it without even knowing it. Guy explains, “Death is not the end of life. But we are forever going through these mini deaths worrying all the time and unfortunately living out fear instead of living knowing that nothing in life is permanent. It’s about remembering that life can still go, but something inside me still remains”.
He explains that perfect love casts out fear. Instead of trying to protect ourselves from fearful things, it’s recognizing that fear can only exist if we identify with it. So, the trick is to not oppose it or identify with it, but to instead be patient with it.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ 39“But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 40“If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.…: Mathew 5:39
Over time, you will recognize that fear can only exist because two parts of ourselves dance together; the fear itself and the ego that identified with fear and justified its existence. They dance together. At some point you will get tired of being afraid. You will see the illusion of this dance and let the light of your consciousness change your frame of mind.
How did Guy get to his current state of mind? Find out here. http://youtu.be/C01Uz3M4bw4?t=36m50s
What is the hidden lesson found in our judgement of others?
Guy and CJ discuss how judging others is less about the other person and more about an aspect of ourselves that we have not discovered yet here. If we are connected as one, then the good and bad characteristics we see in our partner are the exact qualities we have within ourselves, but have not yet come to terms with. We learn and own these qualities ourselves by accepting these qualities in ourselves and in others. Our darker nature can be seen as a beacon of light if we can produce awareness within ourselves. The trick is to not resist them when the opportunity comes, but to see it as a blessing to our revelation and to integrate them – the act of universal love.
How can I love unconditionally? How can I be patient with others?
While we feel like our actions are driven by love, often times they are driven by the desire to control another and to meet our ego’s needs. When we push someone we love, we are forcing that person to be someone we need so that we can become the person we think we should be. This unhealthy process perpetuates weakness in another person. Guy explains here .
Guy suggests that we become conscious of our intentions. Are you sharing because you want to give something or get something? Giving is the act of love, but getting is the act of controlling.
How do you approach someone from a place of giving versus controlling? If we are truly in the moment and are honest with what we know and don’t know, this is giving from a place of sharing. While what you are sharing may not be true or right, it is the best that you know at the moment. It’s important during these times to be in a “don’t know mindset” knowing that with time a clearer answer will arise once you can rise above the ego and the fear. Learn more here. http://youtu.be/C01Uz3M4bw4?t=46m48s
What do you do when you feel right and superior to your partner?
You are a steward of the qualities you possess whether they are good or bad. Our uniqueness or another person’s uniqueness is not always understood but instead of casting judgment, Guy suggests that we take this moment to reflect on our intentions. Ask yourself why are you so sure that you know something that the other person doesn’t.
How to Create a Love that lasts?
Guy offers his wisdom on a simple set of instructions for those who want their love to last:
- Don’t try to please each other, for each of you has constantly changing pleasure. Instead, strive to please love.
- Teach and help each other to be independent. Dependency on one another breads fear.
- Don’t try to change each other subtly or openly. This creates resentment. P114
Below are quick excerpts from the videos on the videos on Guy Finley’s Youtube Channel.
Love always prevails
Love always prevails even though we don’t see it. “When you give your love to as best you understand – that which you love and know is true –OR- that which you don’t give your love to because you understand that is not “I” and you do this consistently.” Guy states you will develop a relationship with being in love.
Only Love Can Carry You to Heaven’s Shore
Guy describes that there is a wave of love that has the capacity to wash away everything that causes you to be sad and angry, but you must ride the wave.
Secret of Letting go
The secret of letting go is to know that life will give you something better than whatever it is asking of you to let go of. We resist things because we believe that life has come to take something away. While it may take away, it never takes what it doesn’t give back something better.
Central urge to merge
We have this urge that Guy Finley describes as “Gotta go”, “Gotta do”, “Got to get”. This external drive is our desire to merge with something that is timeless and whole and become something different than what we are. We fail to realize that we are perfect and whole already. Ultimately, the urge is to find ourselves and realize the wholeness is already innately inside of us.
“It is the central urge in every atom,
(Often unconscious, often evil, downfallen,)
To return to its divine source and origin, however distant,
Latent the same in subject and in object, without one exception.” Walt Whitman
Why do we feel jealousy of others?
At times, it’s hard to celebrate the successes of others. According to Guy, the root of the problem is that we have lost touch with the part of us working to set up our own success and happiness. Instead, we get more engrossed by the idea that no happiness exists in and of itself, but exists in other’s lives.
What do you do when you’re with someone who is always pushing your buttons?
It’s much easier to think that you’re always right, but Guy suggests that it’s never the case of just one party being wrong. No pain exists independent of a relationship that produces it. At one point, you have to realize that it’s not about “being right” but making the relationship right again. Engender thoughts of forgiveness and try to understand so that some broader possibility can happen for you upstream. Guy describes, “Doing exists downstream from being. The more I’m closer to being true, the more it is possible for me to start doing what is true because I’m connected to another world (divine) inside of myself”. He implores us to “Have no enemies. Carry no grudges, no resentment, and no resistance to anyone in your life”. While you may have experienced some pretty unforgettable challenges, Guy reminds us that “What was done with you, was done to you” and to let it go. We should trust our intuition, especially when it comes to love, compassion, or mercy and let that part of us grow and come with us.
In this video, Guy explains that we can never be troubled by someone else unless we want something from them. The only thing that plagues the relationship is related to something that lies within myself. By going on the inside, you can be in silent command of yourself, which will change the interaction with that other person. We lose command in a relationship the moment we want something from them.
Best-Selling Author, Lecturer, and Founder of Life of Learning Foundation – Guy Finley
BEST-SELLING “LETTING GO” author Guy Finley’s encouraging and accessible message is one of the true bright lights in our world today. His ideas go straight to the heart of our most important personal and social issues — relationships, success, addiction, stress, peace, happiness, freedom — and lead the way to a higher life.
Finley is the acclaimed author of The Secret of Letting Go, The Essential Laws of Fearless Living and 35 other major works that have sold over a million copies in 18 languages worldwide. In addition, he has presented over 4,000 unique self-realization seminars to thousands of grateful students throughout North America and Europe over the past 25 years and has been a guest on over 400 television and radio shows, including appearances on ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, NPR and many others. He is a member of the faculty of the Omega Institute and a daily contributor to Beliefnet.
Finley is Director of Life of Learning Foundation, the non-profit self-realization school in Merlin, Oregon, and his popular Key Lesson e-mails are read each week by 200,000 subscribers in 142 countries. His work is widely endorsed by doctors, business professionals, celebrities, and religious leaders of all denominations.
Guy’s career reached this point through a circuitous path. Born into a successful show business family, he is the son of Late-Night TV and radio pioneer Larry Finley. His childhood friends were the sons and daughters of the most famous celebrities in the world. As a young man Guy enjoyed success in a number of areas including composing award-winning music for many popular recording artists including Diana Ross, The Jackson 5, Billy Preston, The Four Seasons, as well as writing the scores for several motion pictures and TV shows. From 1970-1979 he wrote and recorded his own albums under the Motown and RCA recording labels.
Throughout his youth, Guy suspected there was more to life than the type of worldly success that led to the emptiness and frustration he saw among his own “successful” friends and colleagues. In 1979, after travels throughout North America, India and the Far East in search of truth and Higher Wisdom, Guy voluntarily retired from his flourishing music career in order to simplify his life and to concentrate on deeper self-studies.
In addition to his writing and appearance schedule, Guy presents four inner-life classes each week at Life of Learning Foundation in Merlin, Oregon. These classes are ongoing and open to the public. Click here for more details about Guy’s ongoing talks.