Finding the love of my life doesn’t have to be painful. Perhaps you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Kimberley Heart, author of\u00a0 \u201cGet Love: How to Transform your Love Life\u201d, shares her insights on how we can find true love.<\/p>\n
Valentines Day and New Years Eve are two holidays when expectations run high and our relationship is put under the microscope. It\u2019s during these romantic times that we start thinking about the love we want, but don\u2019t have.\u00a0 Kimberley Heart explains more here<\/a>: (http:\/\/youtu.be\/R9RXfByXMwA?t=2m8s).<\/p>\n In her book, \u201cGet Love: How to Transform your Love Life\u201d, Kimberley Heart shares the love letters she wrote after an intense romantic relationship with Adam, a man she met through a friend. Heart reveals her own revelations about love after an intensive exploration with her mentor. Here are some excerpts from her book on what she discovered about love that explained why it was so illusive to her and her paradigm shift:<\/p>\n \u201cIt is not a man\u2019s responsibility to fill my needs. It\u2019s is not a man\u2019s responsibility to fulfill any \u201clack\u201d in me\u2026 What I discovered today, on a deeply profound level, was that\u2026 I wanted (a man) to fill my lack; to love me so I didn\u2019t have to truly love myself; to love me so I felt loveable; to love me so I could feel good about myself. While I have worked at these \u201clacks\u201d for years, now they were again on a whole new level. On a smaller level, perhaps, but still there, I also created relationship with me who wanted me to fill their \u201clack\u201d\u2026 that was the resonance match I would pull in. No matter how \u201cgood\u201d it looked, what was true was that there was always one part of the man that didn\u2019t fit for me. Why? Because then I could maintain superiority. I could maintain some level of control. I could be safe. I wanted the man to \u201cfill me\u201d by being \u201cless than,\u201d so I could maintain control and the illusion of safety.<\/p>\n If there is any \u201clack\u201d in me that I want you to fill, if there is any \u201clack\u201d in you that you want me to fill, then we are in a paradigm of fear. From that paradigm there is no level of freedom that would satisfy either one of us for very long\u2026. (when) We have done the work to fill our \u201clack\u201d We do not expect the other to be responsible for that filling\u201d. P84-87<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Does this revelation sound familiar? It reminds me of that song \u201cLooking for Love in all the wrong places\u201d by Johnny Lee. As Kimberley stated, the first place you have to find love is within yourself. Sometimes, we have voids that we look to have filled by someone else. We relieve this pressure and burden if we apply self-love and fill those voids ourselves.<\/p>\n True love is when we arrive at love with no agenda. An agenda is when you act and behave in a certain way so that you get love in return. It\u2019s very common that we act kind, thoughtful, and giving at the onset of a relationship, not because it makes us feel joy in expressing these things, but more because we want our partner to reciprocate and love us back. In her book \u201cGet Love\u201d, Kimberley offers what she learned about agendas through the letter she wrote to Adam:<\/p>\n \u201c We cannot love to get love. We cannot love to prove our worth or to get someone else to prove it by loving us.\u00a0 We cannot love to fill holes in ourselves\u2026. I wanted you to love me so I could feel loveable, so I could bask in the love you send because I needed it to fill me. I was not whole, so I had an agenda, that if I loved you, you would love me back and that would fill my \u201clack\u201d.\u00a0 See that damn paring, agenda, and \u201clack\u201d?<\/p>\n The love so many seek, the pure love without agendas, can only be achieved if you lose yourself first.\u00a0 My true self-love can only be experienced when I am seated in vulnerability, intimacy, and humility\u201d p99-101.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n What is vulnerability? Kimberly shares what vulnerability is and what it looks like in a relationship here<\/a>. http:\/\/youtu.be\/R9RXfByXMwA?t=4m52s<\/a>.<\/p>\n In order for a relationship to last you must have intimacy, humility and vulnerability.\u00a0 Kimberly explains what that means and why they are so important here<\/a>. http:\/\/youtu.be\/R9RXfByXMwA?t=33m12s<\/p>\n Throughout the book, Kimberley dives into exploring what it means to be both intimate and vulnerable. Here\u2019s a snippet from \u201cGet Love: How to Transform your Love Life\u201d that details her understanding of what intimacy and vulnerability means:<\/p>\n \u201cVulnerability and intimacy are key-and-lock. Vulnerability means being simultaneously aware of both my weaknesses and my strengths, and so much more. Intimacy means closeness, openness, tenderness, vulnerability, knowing and being known, caring and loving.\u201d\u00a0 P84<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Opposites often attract when both parties are trying to find a sense of wholeness and harmony. Subconsciously, , we know when a partner can fill a perceived lack. For example, my extroverted life was always filled with an unending number of social engagements and I never really stopped going. My husband, an introvert, helped to slow me down and relax, which harmonized our relationship. In the beginning my husband was my crutch that enabled me to recognize the merits and reminded me to take it easy. Over time, I\u2019ve had to work hard to develop these skills on my own.<\/p>\n To learn more about why opposites attract, check out a video on \u00a0how we find ourselves through a relationship from a spiritual perspective here<\/a>, and what to do if you end up falling out of love here<\/a>.<\/p>\nWhat is true love? What does a good relationship look like?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n
What is vulnerability? Intimacy? Humility? Why are they important ingredients for love?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n
Why do Opposites attract?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n